Don’t Claim Body Shame

In a perfect world, we would embrace our perfection. We would cherish both our humanity and our innate divinity. We would feel good about who we are and what we do. We would celebrate our uniqueness. In a perfect world, we would love how we look.

But it’s not a perfect world. And that’s particularly difficult on Western women, the majority of whom have a negative body image. In a recent study, 89% of us feel we need to lose weight, even when we don’t need to. (The average size of the perceived idealized women is 13% to 19% below the healthy recommended weight!) Over 80% of us are not happy with the size or shape of our bodies. I know. I’ve. Been. There.

This negative image of our bodies has created a phenomenon that modern media calls “body shame.” Women are being visually and literally told we should be ashamed of the way we look. But the very media that coined the term continues to perpetuate the myth that we should feel ashamed–that all Western women should be tall, young, model-thin and gorgeous. That thinness not only represents attractiveness, it symbolizes perceived success and a higher socio-economic status.

Why “body shame?” Greed.

When women are bombarded daily with media messages that insinuate we’re not perfect enough, we feel objectified. So we may look for solutions for a problem that may not even exist. These solutions, however, have resulted in a diet-loss industry that has revenues of $55.4 billion a year. And the cosmetic industry rakes in $55.4 billion annually–all because of a certain cultural and social ideal of beauty that doesn’t really exist, that is unachievable.

We all want to look our best, but healthy bodies (which come in all shapes and sizes) and a healthy perception of our bodies are not the same things. And neither should have anything to do with our appearance.

Below are five ways to help get rid of “body shame” and instead play the” body claim” game.

Thoughts are things. Who you think you are is who you become. So make sure you think positive thoughts about yourself. In time those thoughts will become your reality.

Don’t be your worst critic. Every time you catch yourself talking or thinking negatively about how you look, change the thought. Then spend an equal amount of time giving yourself positive feedback.

Instead of looking in the mirror and feeling less-than-good about your figure, your facial features or your age, embrace who you are. Celebrate at least one thing you like about yourself every day. Then make a list of those things. Have great legs? Write it down. Have gorgeous hands? Write it down. Have beautiful eyes? Write it down.

Add to that list positive traits you possess or positive accomplishments you’ve achieved. Do this for at least 21 days. (Experts say it takes 21 days to change a habit, in this case the habit of negative self talk.)

Then when you’re not feeling as good about your appearance or yourself as you should, pull out your list and celebrate the you you’re meant to be–the you that you are.

2. Be realistic

Let go of the media’s greed-based version of the perfect woman. The more negative we feel about ourselves, the more money the beauty and diet industries rake in.

But if your goal is simply to lose a little weight and get in shape, that’s a worthy one. However, know that it won’t happen overnight. It’s a process. Be patient with yourself.

Don’t go out and buy a closet full of clothes that reflect the weight you want to be. It won’t motivate you. It may just make your feel worse about your look. Instead buy clothes that fit you for the woman you are now. You don’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe, but you should always have at least one outfit that fits and flatters.

3. Admire success, not slenderness

When you are healthy, you have more self-confidence because you feel good–and therefore you feel good about yourself.

Stop worrying about what you can’t (or won’t) eat if you’re on a diet. Focus instead on what you CAN and should eat. Go for healthy foods like fruits, whole grains, veggies, low-fat dairy, lean meats, nuts and legumes.

As for exercise, it’s not just for the diet-conscious. Everyone should exercise, whether it’s at the gym or simply walking around the neighborhood. The benefits of regular exercise, both aerobic and weight-resistance, is to improve your heart and lung health, muscle endurance, circulation and overall body health. Not to mention that exercise boosts metabolism.

5. Pamper yourself

You’ll feel more positive about yourself and your self-image when you treat yourself like the precious person you are. Give yourself and your body a treat. Get a massage or a mani-pedi. Indulge in a bubble bath, preferably by candlelight. Treat yourself to a new perfume or a pair of fabulous shoes. Give yourself and your body the respect they deserve.

Now how could any woman feel badly about themselves and their body image when it’s being pampered, showered with positive feedback, given healthy nutrition and exercise options and treated with lots of self love? It’s impossible.